Confessions of a Starbucks addict

Yesterday was fun. On top of having a hellish cold with a pre-bronchitis cough, I had my appointment with the cardiologists. The appointment was set for 10 AM, which wouldn't normally be so bad, but when you like taking public transit into Seattle, well you just have to get up a lot earlier in the morning than you're used to... No big deal, but was I tired!

Cue spotlight...cue robot named "fellow cardio"... his lines: ask patient a bunch of questions every other robot has asked, listen to patient's heart and lungs, the robot then declares that the best route to go would be just the right heart cath. No need for a left heart cath, since it really doesn't look like the patient has any congenital arterial diseases, as Dr. Pulmo thought might possibly be there. Fellow cardio exits.

Cue Dr. Cardio... imagine a spotlight right on him, imagine the scenery...sterile white, a lone exam table, a patient (me) sitting in a folding chair falling asleep leaning on the built-in desk in the room. Patient is tired of being patient. Patient is just tired. God-like Dr. Cardio greets patient with a warm handshake and a bit of humor in his eye...

Dr. Cardio: Please sit on the table and let me have a listen to your heart.
Patient: Okay, but I have a cold so I'm sorry if things are rattling around in there.
Dr. Cardio: That's okay, I'm only listening for one thing.
Patient: Uh, ooookaay...?
Dr. Cardio: Deep breath in, out, iiiiiiin, oooooout, iiiiiiiiin, ooooooout.
Patient: Um, sorry about that. I'm trying, really I am.
Dr. Cardio: It's okay, I heard what I needed to hear. Please sit back down in the other chair.

Fellow enters with papers in hand. Dr. Cardio starts talking about what needs to be done next. He looks at patient and monologues:

"So basically we don't think that there's anything wrong with your heart. However, the pulmonary guys don't think there's anything wrong with your lungs. Your symptoms are worrisome, especially because the onset was so sudden. We obviously know that *something* is wrong, but your symptoms and the test results don't really tell us that it's anything wrong with your left heart or your arteries. So what are we left with? Pulmonary hypertension is the first thing that comes to mind. It's a rare disease, and you're a perfect candidate for that diagnosis. Normally we like to remain uninvasive in our testing, but unfortunately for about 60% of the population we can't achieve a diagnosis without being invasive. You are one of the 60%. So, we are going to schedule you for a right heart cath. This procedure is done on an out-patient basis and it only takes a few hours. You'll get the preliminary report before you go home. We honestly think that this is the diagnosis that you'll get. However, this procedure could also tell us nothing at all. If it tells us nothing at all...well, then I DON'T KNOW. I guess we'll just hope that this is going to be your diagnosis and that we'll have it all figured out for you during the cath. If not, we'll send you back to the pulmo's because you really don't seem to have any problems with your heart as far as we're concerned."

Patient then looks at Dr. Cardio and says, "Well, at least you're not telling me it's all in my head!"

Dr. Cardio then restates that there's no way this could be in the patient's head because the studies already done reflect that there *is* something wrong. He hopes that the patient can be a little more (heh) patient while running more tests. The patient states again, "At least it's not in my head!", going on to say, "So, basically you think I have PH, you're not sure, but it's not a heart problem, unless it is PH, in which case I never need to see you again anyway, since that's treated by pulmos...?" Dr. Cardio smiles and agrees.

Patient: What happens next, if it's not PH and the test shows nothing else?
Dr. Cardio: Then I'm out of ideas.
Patient: So you're sure it's not ideal to do a left heart cath as well?
Dr. Cardio: I'm completely sure.
Patient: So essentially it's PH or nothing?
Dr. Cardio: Well, not nothing, it's something... I just don't know what else it could be.
Patient: Well, at least it's not in my head.
Dr. Cardio, fellow, and patient all laugh. Dr. Cardio gives patient a pat on the shoulder, bids patient a good day and exits, stage right, with fellow trailing.

The spotlight dwindles, the patient goes out to schedule the procedure, then goes outside and boards a bus...and falls asleep (here we zoom in on the sleeping patient and fade to dark).

I'd like to mention that because I fell asleep on the bus, I almost missed my stop at Kent Station. As I said in the opening paragraph, I was tired!